so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize