I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
