He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
