as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
