Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
