Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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