I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
