He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
