i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
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They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
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I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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