PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
