remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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