nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Randomize
