I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
