i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
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I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
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We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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