While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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