Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Randomize
