..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
