My friends, they love my intelligence
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
