I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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