Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
