Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
