yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
