She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Randomize
