he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
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I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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