is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
