it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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