It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
