physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
