I can tuck mytits in my pants
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
