I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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