wat bout pragnant strippers??
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
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