I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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