I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
