I met the friendliest cop last night
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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