i jhust puked up my retainher.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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