did you get engaged???
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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