they need to just BURY HIM!
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
