Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
