So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
This is my gift to your gina
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
