Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
