btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
