Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
either way he was missing a nipple.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
