so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Randomize
