just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
you had me at cake vodka
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Randomize
