I think scott just propositioned me for sex
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
