My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
