I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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