Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
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