so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
