Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
