Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
