Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize