All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
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No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
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I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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