I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
