Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
