i may or may not be watching the land before time
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Randomize
