i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
