You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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