How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I miss vodka workout Fridays
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Randomize
