I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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