They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
