i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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