You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
