I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
