I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize