No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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