i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
