some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
are you so shy because you have an std?
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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