My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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