you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
