Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
