don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Randomize
