I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
